We all have stories that are difficult to tell. Every family has dark moments in their history, and in some cases, we’re living those moments now. Sharing those stories can be difficult but listening to them can be equally as hard. Showing empathy and responding with love and understanding are major steps in building connections in our interpersonal relationships. Responding well to difficult stories can build trust, show our love, and help us become more understanding of one another.
How to Be More Empathetic
“Empathy is an essential ingredient for all positive interpersonal relationships. If we couldn’t at least imagine what it feels like to be in someone else’s shoes or skin, we wouldn’t be able to connect; we would live our lives in isolation” (Elaine Walton, “Empathy and the Pure Love of Christ” [Brigham Young University devotional, July 30, 2002], speeches.byu.edu).
Developing and showing empathy are skills that will benefit you for your entire life. We can practice showing empathy by asking open-ended questions, avoiding judgment, and trying to see things from another person’s perspective. Consider asking yourself the following questions.
- What would I be feeling in their situation?
- How would my life be different if I were in this circumstance?
- Why is this story important for them to share with me?
One of the best ways to show empathy is by listening actively and without judgment. Avoid interrupting with stories of your own, and don’t offer unsolicited advice. When someone has shared a difficult story with you, consider the following responses.
- I can only imagine how difficult that is. Thank you for trusting me with your experience.
- I imagine you’re feeling _____. What can I do to show my support?
- I’m sorry you’re going through that. Would you like validation or advice?
Listening to Understand, Not to Respond
If you’ve ever wanted to know how to be a better listener, consider listening to understand. So much of our time spent listening is with the intent to respond; we spend the whole time trying to come up with a clever or relevant answer. But if you want to develop your listening skills, try listening without attempting to come up with a response. Just listen to what the other person has to say. If you don’t have an immediate answer, that’s all right.
Listening to understand can help you develop your active listening skills and can help you feel more connected to the people around you. It will help you be a better listener and a better friend overall, and it’s the perfect example of showing empathy in storytelling. For additional resources, FamilySearch.org has an in-home activity to help you explore your family’s ability to bounce back from hard times.
More Listening Skills
